Archive for January, 2006
January 30th, 2006
Churchill used to call his bouts with depression his “Black Dog”, that would ever so often come and visit him. I really didn’t know what depression meant, I always thought it was something people said when they were a bit sad about something. It wasn’t until my first year at University that I realised the crushing grip of depression.
For those of you that don’t know; depression isn’t feeling a little sad. It’s a deep dark pit of despair, it grips you like a vice, squeezing your stomach sending poison round your body. That first time at University was exactly this. I couldn’t face doing anything. I didn’t care what I looked like, I couldn’t interact with people anymore, something had broken inside me and I didn’t know what it was or how to make it better. Slowly, so slowly I came out of it. I floundered there for a while, but it did get better.
That was eight years ago. I remember for the longest time afterwards I was scared that It would come back, that the very act of being scared of it was going to cause it. Fear of fear is something I think we can all relate to, you wont do something because it may cause you to feel bad. I think in this context ‘bad’ is such an insipid word, but what word could you possibly use to describe the darkness of being depressed?
I’ve had other bouts of it, mostly at Uni, but always come out the other side, perhaps a bit stronger for the experience. But I’ve not felt “bad” for ages. So that brings me to today. And I’m feeling low again. I wouldn’t say that I was depressed because I can remember that feeling, and that was a lot worse. This is sporadic, occasionally smacking me in the face. I do think it’s clouding my ability to think properly, to say what I really think because I’m in self preservation mode, doing what I can to make me feel ok. Well, that’s not strictly true, I haven’t lied or done something that would hurt someone just to make me feel better, it’s more that I don’t fully trust my own feeling at the moment.
That said, I know I’ll get better. I’ve got God on my side. I know this post sounds so “oh, woe is me” but as it’s my diary, I don’t really care. Read it, don’t read it. It just helped writing it.
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January 27th, 2006
Paul: You have a reprieve from me writing about last night’s debacle to join in the four things geekary…
I’ve been tagged by Lloydy so it would seam I have to do the same, kind of like a blog chain letter, but without the threat of spiritual violence. Hang on your collective asses cos here we go…
Four jobs i’ve had in my life
Four films I can watch over and over
Four places I have lived
- Walsall
- Huddersfield
- That’s pretty much it…
Four TV shows I love to watch
- The Simpson’s
- Futurama
- Family Guy (is there a pattern emerging here?)
- The News (on the BBC naturally)
Four places I have been on holiday
Four of my favorite foods
- Mum’s Sunday lunch
- Spag. Bol.
- Curry mate
- Sausages!
Four Websites I visit Daily
Four places I would rather be right now
- With friends
- Travelling
- Travelling some more
- Settled (guess this one is more an emotional place)
Four Bloggers I am tagging
- Paul (back at ya)
- Steve Smith
- Benedict Eastaugh
- Other friends who I know have blogs, but I can’t remeber the address! Consider yourself tagged.
Additional: Four recent books I’d reccomend…
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January 26th, 2006
Crystal Skulls have been fascinating me for ages: The fact that they exist at all is enough to keep me interested, but a little digging uncovers an amazing history of the skulls…
In 1924 British explorer F.A. Mitchell-Hedges and his daughter Anna were on an expedition to the ancient Mayan ruins of Lubaantun, in Belize (then British Honduras), searching for evidence of Atlantis. One day Anna had walked off from her father and was rummaging inside a structure believed to have once been a temple when she found the cranium of a beautifully crafted crystal skull. It was lacking it’s jawbone, but this was found a few months later by another team in the area. Weather this story is true or not; later evidence showed that F.A. Mitchell-Hedges may have brought the skull at an auction in London in 1943, the skull is certainly real.
In 1970 the skull was given to Hewlett-Packard Laboratories for extensive study, what they found was quite startling. The artifact appears to have be carved from one solid piece of quartz crystal, a difficult task in itself, but this one is carved against the natural grain of the crystal. Even using modern techniques such as laser carving it would be virtually impossible to create such an object without shattering the crystal.
Even more bizarrely further tests on the skull revealed no microscopic scratches anywhere on it’s surface, which would have been present if it had been carved with metal instruments. Experts theorise that the skull may have been roughly hewn out with diamonds then meticulously worn away to create the detailed features using a solution of silicon, sand and water. The same experts also calculated that to create the skull in this way (if possible at all) would have taken work amounting to over 2.5 million man hours (around 300 years of work).
One researcher for HP is renowned to have said “The damned thing just shouldn’t be”.
This is perhaps the most mysterious of the skulls, there are others but none of them match the amazing detail displayed in the Mitchell-Hedges Skull. There are those that dedicate themselves to the research of the skulls, and the “history” of the skulls origins. Have a look if your interested, I’m not going to go into too much detail here.
Things like the crystal skulls remind me that the world can turn up many surprises: There is still so much we don’t know about the world. By our very nature we are inquizative creatures, and thank God we are. I really can’t imagine living in a world where we could explain everything, what would be the fun in that?
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January 23rd, 2006
My old mate Lloydy has finally announced on his blog (so I’m finally officially allowed to write this post), what a few of us have know for ages: He’s off to work for Ning. Well done mate, you’re now part of an elite.
Amongst us so called “web designers” (yeah, I suppose i’d include myself there, although most people would just say ‘geek’), there are those that have risen above the rest. People like Jeffery Zeldman and Molly Holzschlag who now get to travel the world telling people like me about new innovations in the world of web. There are whole confences dedicated to it. It’s an exciting life in the non-stop, fun filled world of elite webbers.
Ok, you might have sensed a hint of sarcasm in that last sentence, but I’ll admit that may be a bit of the green-eyed monster speaking. After all, it’s not every day that a large company head hunts one of your friends for their new lead designer. I genuinely expect great things from you Mr. Lloyd. And a set of free tickets to at media 2007 (where, of course, you’ll be the headline guest) wouldn’t go ammis.
Good luck, God speed and all the best for this new chapter in your life. You deserve it mate.
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January 17th, 2006
I really enjoyed the second installment of Richard Dawkin’s “The Root of All Evil” last night (8:00pm Channel4). Starting at the end, his summing up was, and I don’t think I’m being too over-zealous here, nothing short of poetic brilliance.
We are all incredibly privileged to be alive
Yes Richard, yes we are. And thank God for that.
Dawkins’ attack on religion was aimed squarely at “inherited” faith. That is to say that children are automatically labeled with their parents faith, indoctrinated into their views from birth. This was one of my (many) arguments against faith when I was a teenager, admittedly a little less eloquently argued than Prof. Dawkins, but the same essential point. I had a friend when I was younger, lets call him Garry, who was one of the very few Christians I knew. I used to attack his faith all the time, try and back him into a corner, just to score points off him. I was so sure I was right, my arguments made perfect sense to me. “God?” I said, don’t be so ridiculous! Thinking about it now, I’m not sure why I was even bothered, what did it matter to me if he believed in a lie? But I was adamant, I needed to educate him.
One day he snapped. “Do you think I’m stupid?” he said. “Not stupid, just brain washed” I retorted, enjoying the challenge. “Look,” he said, “I’m going to tell you something. Something that I’ve never really told anyone”. And so he preceded to tell me the story of his faith. How it had always been on shaky ground. How, no matter what his parents (who had become Christians in adulthood) had told him about God, he’d never been sure. Well, that wasn’t strictly true, he’d been sure as a small child, the way that he was sure there was a Father Christmas, but as he grew up he began to question. “So, why do you still believe?” I said. And it turned out that it was the doubts, the questioning, that had finally led him to God. His faith before was based on an idea. His parents had given him a good grounding in the bible, but that’s all it was for him. Head knowledge. It wasn’t until he stared to question things that he was able to find out for himself, and meet God.
The point I’m trying to make is this. It’s not just a head thing. Faith can’t be taught. It must start with God. Yes, you can teach a child all there is to know about the Bible, the Koran, or any number of holy books, but without God that foundation will crumble into nothing. I realize that I’m opening myself up for criticism by saying this, but that’s what the comments are for. Please, feel free to disagree with me.
I know this doesn’t nearly address all the issues in last nights program, but needless to say it raised some problems for me. I don’t want to try and tackle things of which I have very little knowledge.
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January 13th, 2006
Ooo, I love tea me. So I thought after the stir caused by the last post I’d write about something else that’s quite close to my heart. Yesterday lunchtime I had a wonder over the local supermarket, my mission was clear: To get some new tea bags to replace the 3 year old bumper pack of 20 million we have lying around in the work kitchen. So imagine my displeasure when after 5 minuets drawing fresh water and boiling the slower-than-average kettle I came to get a Earl Grey bag for my cup only to discover i’d brought loose leaves!
It’s some indication of the lengths I’ll goto to amuse myself at work that I was this gutted about the lack of decent tea. And then to spend another 10 minuets taking a picture of the tea, uploading it, then writing about it as-well…
Anyway, in conclusion, I like tea. A lot.
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January 10th, 2006
I watched with interest “The Root of All Evil” last night on Channel 4 (UK). In this series Professor Richard Dawkins investigates the seemingly unbelievable fact that religious faith is gaining ground in the face of evidence based science.
A couple of years ago I would have totally agreed with what Dawkins was saying, and written off the vast majority of people featured in the program as “nutters” or “fundamentalists”. You see I was a devout atheist. Evolution explained everything for me, and the overwhelming evidence for it had convinced me there could be nothing more. That was until I was dragged along to a friends wedding blessing and experienced what can only be described as a revelation of God. The realization that there could be more than the things we measure with Electron Microscopes and Carbon dating.
Life is an adventure of discovery - by our very nature we are inquisitive. God didn’t make things easy for us, what would be the point in that? I’m not saying that I have all the answers, I don’t even think I have any of the answers, but am determined to find out more, eyes open, to ALL the possibilities.
I think as a Christian we need programs like this. We need opposing opinions to keep us on our toes. It’s all too easy to fall into the “Sunday Morning” trap, where you can package your faith into a neat little box and pick it up whenever you need a crutch. Opposition is a good thing! Think about it, the challenges that we face in our lives shape us, they make us who we are, without them we would be empty, devoid of anything but blind faith. My faith is certainly NOT blind.
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January 8th, 2006
Being a Walsall boy by birth, I’m very much inclined to do down my home town. Walsall admittedly could be described as a shit hole, having been done down by such literacy geniuses as chav towns and even Google. But I would like to offer a different point of view.
Walsall isn’t what he buildings look like, or the amount of money spent on some new statue in the middle of town - It’s the people. I’m sure this is true of anywhere you live… In the words of Vic…
People Are Important
So I’d like to stand against all the crap spoken about Walsall, and say if we are to improve our town we should be proud of it! It’s a diverse miss-mash of people who for the most part are brilliant. Yeah, we have our problems and our rough areas, but where doesn’t? Thank God for Walsall, and the people in it. We really could be great!
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January 4th, 2006
A new year is upon us (you may have noticed). And as regular visitors will know (guess this mean Paul) things are looking a bit different. But, with any live re-design, it’s a messy business. So this is where this post comes in. I need to test that my css’ll cover a multitude of posting sins. Feel free to ignor the next bit…
Sometimes we want make things bold or italic. Other times i’ll have said something then want to cross it out.
- This is a list
- It’s not orderd
- But that’s cool
- This is another list
- And this one is orderd
- Rockin or what!
This is a blockquote
And that’s about it I think! Enjoy.
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January 3rd, 2006
It’s been a strange one this year. Being back at work, freezing my butt off, is given me chance to reflect on everything that’s happened in the last week. A week? Has it really only been a week? It seams like a whole other world
I was upset to learn of the passing of a very cool person just after Christmas. Although I didn’t really know her, the little time I’d spend with her had shown me what strength she had. She’ll be sorely missed.
Christmas also gave me opportunity to reflect on where I am in my life. And that I cannot any longer piss about when It comes to my faith. I’m a Christian, and damn proud to be one! I need to focus my attention on God. Someone amazing helped me realise this, if you’re reading this, you know who you are. Thank you. You rock. You and you’re family.
So this is it, the first post of 2006, with hope for the coming year. God bless you all.
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